It is my pleasure to introduce you to two very eligible young bachelor superior-heroes. Yes, I said superior-heroes and not super-heroes on purpose. Sure super-heroes are people who get bit by spiders, come from distant planets, wear capes and stretchy pants and some can even fly. Sure, they save people from villains, but at this point in time in our history I don’t think that even the entire Heroes Alliance could save us from the massive crises that we are finding ourselves in. What the world needs now is not love, sweet love, but rather a set of superior-heroes. And I have found them. Their names are Captain Constitution (CC) and Model Code Kid (MCK).
These superior-heroes are around to defend the Constitution, the Rule of Law, and the Right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. They may wear stretchy pants and capes and they may seem a little wacky at times, but these superior-heroes have arrived just in time to kill the Leviathan and restore liberty to the citizens of this great land.
We first find Captain Constitution and the Model Code Kid at the grocery store, defending a ladies right to be an extreme couponer.
An Extreme Couponer (EC) wants to use 200 coupons divided into 100 different separate purchases for a total savings of twenty-five cents. The Cashier pitched a fit and refused to allow her to use her coupons and divide her groceries into 100 separate transactions.
CC: “Don’t worry ma’am, we are here to help!”
EC: “Who are you all?”
CC: “I am Captain Constitution and this is my sidekick, the Model Code Kid. We are here to help! [Turning to the rude cashier] Excuse me but this nice lady has a protected right to be an extreme couponer. If you don’t let her use her coupons you will be an unconstitutional cashier. You don’t want that, do you?”
Cashier: “No, I don’t want that. But I don’t think that extreme couponing is covered in the Constitution.”
CC: [Chuckling] “Oh you poor uneducated anti-federalist. Are the words extreme couponing used in the Constitution, of course not! But the freedom and liberty associated with couponing certainly are. The structure of the Constitution itself shows that the Founders were concerned with freedom and liberty, including economic freedom.”
Cashier: “But the rules of the store are the rules of the store. I can’t change them. I was told not to allow her to use her coupons and divide her groceries into multiple transactions.”
MCK: “If the rules are unconstitutional, they aren’t legitimate. Don’t you know anything about judicial review? [Turning to Captain Constitution] I am a Departmentalist not a Judicial Supremacist. What’re you?”
CC: “No time to discuss judicial review now Model Code Kid, we’ve still got an unconstitutional mess to sort out! Cashier, the Constitution compels you to allow this woman to be an extreme couponer.”
Cashier: “But it is stupid. She’s only going to save twenty-five cents.”
CC: “The Constitution gives people the liberty to be stupid! Doesn’t it Model Code Kid?”
MCK: “It sure does! Liberty rules and being unconstitutional drools!”
CC: “I couldn’t have said it better myself Model Code Kid. [Turning to the Cashier] You have to let her extreme coupon – you must allow them all to extreme coupon! The Constitution compels it!”
Cashier: “If the Constitution compels me, I guess I have no choice. Lady, let’s get started on your 100 transactions.”
EC: “Thank you Captain Constitution and Model Code Kid!”
CC: “Your welcome. And remember, The Constitution is always the Solution!”
